A woman with commitment phobia always feels insecure and vulnerable when it comes to marriage. She wants to postpone the decision; is often confused and does not know how to get out of the relationship. Unlike men, women with commitment phobia don’t go around hunting for men. They develop natural relationships; relationships in which they believe but which they are not willing to sustain. In the process they not only hurt men but also hurt themselves.

They find it very difficult to get out of such relationships. There is a feeling of guilt; sometimes even of remorse. But these feelings are overpowered by a strong feeling of fear. There is a great reluctance to approach the subject of marriage. At the same time, there is despair too. They don’t want to let go the man who has brought such happiness in their lives. But they only end up leaving their partners confused, bewildered and angry.

Why do women turn into commitment phobic

The psychologists see a clear relationship between commitment phobia and a traumatic childhood. Their studies show that women who suffer from commitment phobia are deeply influenced by their childhood experiences that have seared their subconscious minds and given birth to such unrealistic fears.

According to the psychologists, commitment phobia can be caused by any of the following three situations that a child may have undergone during her formative years:

1. Death of a parent: Children may not show grief but they are very sensitive. A few of them may find it very difficult to accept the passing of their father or mother to whom they were deeply attached. Some of them cant bear to see the grief of their father or mother. This is when their mind decides that they should not allow themselves to get into similar situations. The logic is that there will be no grief if there is no long-term relationship.

2. A messy divorce: There are many children who go into a shell when they see their parents bickering over small things, and finally breaking up. There are some girls who cannot reconcile themselves to their stepfathers or stepmothers and cannot forgive their parents for what they have done to their lives. Marriage to these girls seems to be a relationship where they can only expect bitterness and hurt. That is why they are so keen to avoid the imagined pains of marriage.

3. Abusive relationship: Some girls are never able to get over the abuses inflicted by their parents, especially their fathers. They therefore do not want to surrender to men once again, but want to prize their independence much more. They are mortally scared to risk an unhappy wedding or another abusive relationship.

A fourth reason for women avoiding long-term relationships is purely professional. They may enter into a relationship at a time when their career is poised to take off. They are so attached to their career prospects that they are not willing to compromise on them. Instead they want to postpone the marriage to a future date, which, in most cases, never comes. But such successful women invariably attract men who want to possess them.

How to spot a commitment phobic.

It is not easy to spot women who suffer from commitment phobia. They do not go around lavishing love and affection freely, or trying to seduce every man who catches their fancy. In fact, they appear more vulnerable and insecure, triggering relationships where a man wants to protect them. This is how most such relationships begin.

However, the men do not know what they are doing. They are involuntarily getting sucked into a relationship that does not have a future. The best they can do is to probe why the woman for whom they feel so strongly has not found a partner. It should strike them as odd if the woman tells them that her relationships are invariably short. They may, of course, be blinded by love and believe that it would not happen to them. But then they will be making a big mistake.

A better option would be to make the woman talk about herself and her early life, to understand why she has had such unstable relationships. This can make the woman share her fears, however unrealistic they are. The man can throw a protective umbrella around her, and offer her security that she has all along been missing. But there is no guarantee that the woman will be able to exorcise her fears. The relationship may still end on a note of unhappiness and bitterness with the woman pushing her partner away, but the partner refusing to let her go and suffer her fears alone.

Can counseling help?

A last resort is to convince the commitment phobic to seek professional help. A trained psychologist may be able to wipe the fears away. A hypnotist can also be able to remove the fears of the past. But much depends on how much the woman is willing to open herself, and how much emotional support the man is willing to bring to the relationship.

There is always the possibility that the commitment phobic may be able to exorcise her fears. But it is also possible these fears may return to haunt her after marriage. Then you can be sure that the marriage will be short-lived. It will not be able to withstand the hallucinations and unrealistic fears of a commitment.

In the other situation, where a woman places her career first, the man must be ready to compromise. He should never question her priorities even if it hurts his male ego every day or every week. Once again, this is not going to be a stable relationship, and will die sooner than later.

If you have met your twin flame there will no drama – none. If you have met your soul mate, there always will be issues.

If you have met someone and either of you are married at the time then they are NOT your twin flame, they are NOT the love of your life.

Soul Mates

The term, Soul Mate, is very commonly misunderstood and misused. Sometimes a soul mate is a very loving partner but in most cases, they should come with huge warning labels on the forehead, read below for more explanations, yes you want your twin flame, or at least someone that you have NO past lives or unfinished karma with.

A twin flame comes into your life with a truly clean slate, ready for you and no drama at all. Please keep reading and feel free to pass this page to your friends and loved ones in tough relationships.

Soul Mates

The term, Soul Mate, is very commonly misunderstood and misused. This is because the “900 number” commercials use the term soul mate frequently and incorrectly, confusing it with the term “Twin Flame”. The “900 lines” would lead you to believe that you have found your one true other half (Twin Flame) when, in reality, you have found only ONE of your many SOUL MATES. Sometimes a soul mate is a very loving partner but in most cases, they should come with huge warning labels on the forehead:

TURN AROUND, RUN NOW, MEGA LIFE CHANGING DANGER APPROACHING!

HEAD GAMES, LIAR, CHEATER, ADDICT, CRAZY MAKER APPROACHING!

Soul mates come into our lives to teach us lessons. These lesson givers quite often come into our lives as alcoholics, abusers, gamblers, addicts, cheaters, once a cheater always a cheater, have depression issues, had a dysfunctional childhood, a drama queen or king, sex-addicts, bosses, emotionally unavailable or your best friend’s mate. I know this sounds like half the population, but beware of the true nature of the soul mate. There is always an issue to deal with from a past life or unfinished soul mate business.

Are you about to become caught up in the constant chaos they can and will bring into your life? Will your soul-mate become your addiction?

Before you step into this mess that you may wish later you could just scrape off your shoes, ask yourself, would you fix this person up with your best friend or even a stranger?

If not, why would you date them yourself? There is always a messy complication but with a huge amount of electricity and chemistry/pull to keep you in the game.

PAY ATTENTION TO ALL RED FLAGS! THEY ARE VALID WARNINGS.

That’s our own intuition talking to us. Unfortunately with a soul mate, often times we choose to ignore all the warning signs. Often we don’t even like this person when we first meet them, but we allow this lesson into our lives anyway. Yes, it makes us stronger and hopefully we learn not to repeat the same relationship mistakes, but the Universe will continue to bring us these soul mate lessons until we learn.

The truth is, a soul mate will always come into your life with major KARMA for you to deal with. The good news is you dont have to play. You can choose to not engage in the lesson (hopefully, because you’ve already learned it). If you choose to stay and play, be sure to hang on (mostly to your sanity), because this is when the roller coaster ride starts and all the games begin!

Every relationship is a mirror that helps us to learn more about ourselves. They are the most challenging and the most rewarding aspects of life. The more intimate the relationship the greater the opportunity for growth we are given. If an issue or person has an emotional charge to it, then you still have work to do. This mirror is the hardest to look at because it reflects the issues you have not yet finished in your life. These are the things that we are the most blind to. Hence, beware of the soul mate. I know I sound repetitive but someone has to tell you!

Self-understanding is the entire reason for these mirrors — not to fix the other person, but to look at yourself and learn. The primary reason for most soul mate relationships is so you can work on your spiritual self and your karma! So with that said, the more you clear up issues for yourself and the more YOU ARE the right person; the sooner you will attract the twin flame you are looking for.

Soul mates share a common mission and comparable stage of spiritual development. They come together because they are working on the same type of karma and the same chakra simultaneously. Soul mates have an attraction that is based on the sacred labor and on the path of self-mastery on your personal spiritual path.

In a soul mate relationship there is always a connection between you from prior lives. Keep in mind that you can have as many as 3000 soul mates in one life time. You have not been happily married to each of them but in some cases you have killed each other or you may have been each other’s parents, siblings or battling next-door neighbors.

Quite often in readings, I see a similar pattern for many couples. For example, when a couple is experiencing a horrible sex life, it is often because they were siblings in a past life and therefore the intimate relationship in their current life feels wrong. Another common pattern is marrying someone who was our parent in a past life, which provides an opportunity to work out whatever unresolved lessons you might have from the past. In many cases issues are reversed from lifetime to lifetime so that we might learn how the other person felt.

Whenever you consider breaking up with a soul mate, it seems A GIANT MAGNET appears in the sky making you both run into each other in the strangest of places. Soul mates can feel you come in the door when you come home or know when you’re in a crowded place. A soul mate can project his/her thoughts onto you so it becomes unclear if you are thinking of them or they are projecting their thoughts on you so that you cant tell if they are thinking of you, or you are missing them. It takes a lot to break free from a soul mate, often times you’ll break up 6 to 20 times.

A word of warning if you choose to marry one of your soul mates: Do NOT COMPLAIN constantly to your friends and family about your relationship. They won’t understand that you’ve chosen each other as a contract of lessons and you’ll only make the other people in your life despise your spouse.

Twin Flames

Twin flames are ourselves in another body. When we have reached the stage where we are capable of giving unconditional love, we then have the opportunity to reconnect with our other half or twin flame. The chances are that we meet our twin flame briefly in many lifetimes, but one or both of us are not ready for the intensity of this connection. When both halves of the whole are ready to come back together and meet they will discover that in their lifetime they have lead almost parallel lives.

The events of their lives will mirror each other almost exactly. They may have come from very similar families and family dynamics. They may have had similar schooling or lack thereof. They may have crossed paths socially or lived close by to each other and never known it. They may have almost identical careers. They may even have previous marriages and divorces within weeks of each other. When twin flames get to know each other, they will feel as if the other is reading their life script. That isn’t to say they are identical people, but they are perfectly complimentary to each other.

When twin flames meet for the first time in a physical life, they recognize themselves in the other person. This will come as a deep surprise to both, but the recognition is immediate. At the same time you will feel that you have always known this person who is sitting in front of you. It is a feeling of home-coming, because you recognize your other self and feel very much that you have come home when you are with your spiritual twin flame counterpart. Be aware that soul mates also have a strong recognition pattern, only there will be that little voice in your head that knows the difference.

When twin flames come together they become one, they are not like each other but they are the mirror image of the other. They think alike, they hold the same values and often their life experiences are very similar. Twin flames do not teach each other, they learn together and help each other learn the lessons that have been set before them in this lifetime. When twin flames come together they join forces and are capable of overcoming obstacles the average mortal could not begin to face. They are so filled with unconditional love they literally glow with it and have much to share with others. They are the inspiration that poets write about and singers sing about.

Once in awhile, yes I have seen twin flames come together and not make it work, this is only because you have chosen different life lessons this time around and you do not fit as lovers, but you always be best freinds.

Fortunately, you also have me to help you determine the difference. When you are ready to break your unhealthy patterns of attracting unhealthy soul mates, I have many tools to help you set you free. I can help you attract your twin flame or at the very least, someone you have no karma with so that you can go into a relationship with a clean slate.

There can be a happy medium in love

No one is perfect and not one person can make us totally happy, we need to make ourselves happy first. Love needs to be a bonus, a plus not a negative.

The first year of any relationship you are building the foundation, see your buddies and keep your hobbies this will build a healthy long lasting love life together. Eventually the beginning of love wears off and we all miss our buddies and time alone, never stop seeing them then later you can avoid the questions, why now? When you want to start seeing your friends again, why now, what is wrong with us now?

Are you ready to jump off that drama trauma train?

As always, when you meet someone, ask them for their birthday and then call me.

THE POWER OF INTIMACY

Have you ever been afraid of really loving someone? Have you been afraid of letting someone really love you? Most of us have known this fear. To love and be loved is what we want more than anything, so why would we be so afraid of having the deep, intimate experience of loving and being loved?

Why do we feel the most fear and anger with those we love the most? Why is it that domestic violence is considered by the police to be the most dangerous situation they can walk into? These are important questions. Let’s consider some possible answers.

As adults, we “fall” in love. This experience of loving at some point reminds us of how we were hurt in past experiences of loving. Of course, we are afraid of being hurt, no matter how big, strong or healthy we may happen to be. So we try to protect ourselves. This is human nature.

It follows that the more we love, the more potential we have to be hurt, afraid and angry. Fortunately the love can grow and mature in such a way that the pain and fear are minimized and we no longer need anger for protection from those we love. This happens as our skill, strength, knowledge and awareness expand, allowing the more vulnerable inner core of love to grow and expand into the world around us. You can imagine this by picturing the walls of protection, fear and pain breaking down, allowing the inner circle of love in Figure 6.1 to expand and blend with the outer circle of skill, strength, knowledge and awareness. So how does this happen in real life?

THE FIRST STEP TO TRUE INTIMACY

The first step to true intimacy is to know, understand and become intimate with yourself. Your self is what you bring into a relationship. If you don’t know this self or you feel ashamed of some part it, you will not be able or willing to share those aspects with your loved one. If there are wounds that have not healed, you will automatically hide and protect those wounded parts. You will not offer yourself fully to another, as is required for true intimacy, unless you feel good about the self you are offering.

This simply means that each of us must make a journey into ourselves to learn about our own defense mechanisms, to manage our fear and to heal our pain. Only then can we reach the healing core of love that is the heart of who we are. Only then will we be willing to allow someone else to really know and love us for all that we are.

The first part of ourselves we offer to others is what we consider to be our best self. We smile, shake hands or hug and act as if everything is just fine, whether it is or not. We show our social skills, demonstrate our knowledge and awareness in our conversation and try to give the impression of being a healthy, together person. This is the realm in which we operate at work or with people we don’t know very well. This is the part of ourselves we use to “make a good impression” on someone we like. This may even be all we really know of ourselves.

In school and throughout our lives, we have gained knowledge, skill, strength and awareness about the world around us–but we never really learned very much about ourselves. But it is your self that you are having trouble with. Your anger comes from you, not from somewhere else.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE DEFENSES?

One of the first things that happens when you start trying to get to know yourself is that you run into your own defense mechanisms. Defenses fall into two basic categories: fight and flight. In other words, we tend to protect and defend ourselves by either getting angry or getting out–of the situation.

Do you know how to take a break in a relationship to give yourself time to think and calm down? If not, are you trying to solve your problems with anger, and finding that you’re only making it worse? Do you shut down until you can’t stand it any more and then you explode in anger?

Don’t judge yourself at this point, just try to figure out what your defense strategies are.

Next ask yourself what you are afraid of when you are using these defense methods. Whether you know it or not, you are afraid of being hurt when you’re angry. Fear drives your anger. If you don’t know what your fear is, you will be blindly controlled by your anger.

Fear falls into two basic categories. We are either afraid of being attacked, assaulted, smothered or violated (something happening to us), or we are afraid of losing someone or something we love (feelings of rejection, abandonment and jealousy come into play here). All of your fears came from some past experience of pain.

To deal with your anger, you have to understand your fear. To understand your fear you have to understand and heal your pain.

We have all been hurt. That’s part of being human. If you don’t know your pain, you are unconsciously driven by efforts to avoid it happening again. This is what drives most of the anger problems we see in the world every day.

Your task is to learn how you were hurt, and heal those wounds. That will take the fire out from under your fear and anger, and you will be able to gain control.

You can do it. Don’t ever give up on yourself!

THE INTIMACY YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED

When you have experienced some emotional healing from your past wounds, you will be a more compassionate, empathetic and loving person. This will make your efforts at intimacy much more successful.

Intimacy is not just great romance, fun and affection. Intimacy is being close and connected through the hard times. Which means being comfortable with your own and your partner’s pain and fear.

I have found in my 30 plus years of counseling that when a person heals from her/his emotional wounds of the past, intimacy becomes possible for the first time. The skills are easy to learn, once you’re ready!

Have you ever been in that state in your relationship when everything is just so perfect that it scares you? This is too good to be true, you say to yourself. Now, what- you know at the back of your mind commitment is the next step if you want to continue with it.

The big C – commitment. Just the thought of the word makes your heart race, your skin cold and clammy. You panic then you freeze. Are you commitment phobic? Let us first define what the word means. It is practically the fear and evasion of being attached to anything, especially in a relationship.

Part of you wants to overcome it. Is there a cure for commitment phobia, is there a solution? Just like any other disorder or symptom, stop the denial and start accepting that you have a problem. Acceptance always opens new doors to healing. There must be a self-acknowledgement that you feel the fear in order to work it out with yourself or your therapist.

This is harder than it seems, since the person with the problem usually points the blame to the partners misdoing and failings. Allowing the blamed partner to suffer the hurt and pain is just plain wicked and down-right unfair. A strong-hold of self esteem and confidence is necessary if your are the blamed person to avoid emotional break-down.

If accountability of your issues is not done then you will hit the dead-end. Nobody can help you if feel comfortable living with your fears. Recognizing the issue is always the first step. After all, how can you change something if you yourself dont believe it exists. You can also go through the process of elimination.

This is a big step but asking for the consult of a credible therapist if you are indeed experiencing commitment phobia or any other personality disorder is important. From here, at least you will know the real score. Nothing can be more frustrating than not knowing what is complicating your life.

One cannot resolve anything if there is no self realization. Whatever it may be- the fact remains that the fear to commit is real. Sad to say that understanding alone cannot resolve the issue. Being in this state can be very frustrating since it involves hurting the person you care about.

For commitment phobics, realizing that what they go through is not a disorder helps. Preventing themselves from thinking they have a disease. Its an unpleasant behavior that you are willing to change. In order to achieve this, changing the way you feel from within you and not your partners is crucial in overcoming your issues.

Compromise is the key. There are fears that you just have to conquer if you need to be happy. One cannot live in fear forever. Fear binds and it inhibits your freedom. What more if you are afraid while in a relationship? You not only deprive yourself of happiness, but can cause pain to your partner as well.

Relationships are not perfect, but a good one is where a person and their partner grow, becoming better persons. Its okay to fear, but let it be reasonable and where it should be, not for causing yourself and your partner unnecessary misery.

Asking your girlfriend to marry you is among the most enjoyable times in both your and her life. If you are truly really ready to conceive to one another, than marriage may be a good thing to maximize your specific of you. If you bought an engagement ring and so are willing to propose, thinkt of the great times you have spent together, and several of your favorite memories. This memory must trump all those, so be sure you cause it to be special. Allow me to share four great ideas for a creative proposal.

First, consider recreating your first date, by using a twist. The fact is, combine a number of the number one dates into one supper date, that culminates together with the proposal. The best proposals have become personal, and recreating time period dates, blends two blissful memories into one giant one. Ensure you develop around the first date, perhaps go back to your beginning restaurant but then ordering champagne and surprising her with flowers. Simply not only complete a recreation of the very first date…you ought to splurge on special touches!

Second, consider taking your proposal to the sky. Taking a helicopter tour within your local city or going skydiving are two example in this idea. Experiences with great views are wonderful and might cause a perfect memory. Needless to say, make sure you are both comfortable with the thought of jumping away from an airplane prior to take her skydiving, as there’s nothing like scaring the daylights out of her to get her to say no to the proposal such as a near death experience. In case your local city also has an observation deck within its tallest or most famous building, this is an excellent, safer option too for the less adventurous.

Third, consider doing something festive. Will it be winter? Try ice skating. Summer? What about the beach or perhaps a water park? If it’s fall, a picnic under a color changing tree may be the perfect ticket. Woman really appreciate the little things, and considering the time of the year is a superb, small thing that you can do to make the memory really special.

Fourth, and at last, you might consider involving her family and friends. She likely has many people in their life which are vital to her that she may want to share this special day of her life with. You may actually have her family surprise her at the restaurant after you propose, you even could have a surprise party with all of her friends. The suggestions here are nearly endless. Obviously, there are plenty of good options for a proposal that is special. Just be sure that you make it special for her and you should do fine.

Jordan King

It is important to be really systematic for turning friendship into romance. Friendship and romance are inseparable in many cases, but it is not universally true for all. Many people are enjoying their romantic life that they started with friendship a long back. On the other hand, the diametrically opposite situation may happen to your life also you can lose your intimate friend in the mire of romance. It is the mystery of psychology that propels human beings to behave like this. But, we should always follow what our mind directs us to do. If you feel to make a romantic relationship with your friend, do not hesitate to march forward until you get him/her.

Just think of the situation you have a friend, who understands you well, who knows you and would stand beside you in all situations; he/she is certainly the perfect match for your romantic life. The most important thing is that your have to be pragmatic enough to make her/him understand the situation, otherwise everything will be lost in the wave of time.

Romancing close friends can be risky they may take the relationship as granted at the beginningand you may have to face a false situation. If you are honest about your aims and objectives, do not hesitate! You know her well right from her earlier days and vice versa and it is assumed that the relationship that exists between you can never be altered even if the sky comes down to the earth. A true friend can bring success, happiness and all the treasures in life. Honesty will pay for you and if you are honest to bring your relationship to romance, none has the power to stop that.

Most of the people assume lot of things at the beginning of any friendship. They start daydreaming and finish as a loser. It should be kept in mind that mere assuming would not pay you until you have an utmost desire to fulfill your demand. If you are too crazy to make a romantic relationship with your close friendtake time and wait for the perfect time to tell her. You would have to change certain things of you. Your lip service can play a big role to canalize your friendship to romance. Tell expressively and persuasively that you love her from your heart. If she does not want to change the equation of the relationship immediately, do not be worried; keep on persuading her and you would get the result in no time. In such cases faith and honesty work a lot.

It is necessary to bring certain changes within you; otherwise it would be too tough for you to transfer your relationship from friendship to romance. First of all, get a different look always dress elegantly and spray perfume frequently, so that she can observe some changes in you. Be realistic and create an opportunity for her to come closure to you. Suppose, both of you are in a stroll, what you need to do is that place your palm near her waist and smoothly start rubbing until she gets aroused sexually. Wait for the perfect time – hold her hand and kiss. If she agrees with your gesture, carry on kissing in different places including lip, breast and more. Try to be direct with her and make no hesitation in asking for dating. Say, whatever you have at the earliest, because nobody knows what may happen in the days to come. Still, you need to be practical enough to judge the perfect time and place and of course, of the mental state of your beloved. Be true to your heart and do not fear from rejection. Keep a positive outlook and you can earn your desired soul by applying the tried and tested law.

Once she shows any positive sign of continuing romance, try to make it doubly sure by giving her romantic gifts and sumptuous treats at renowned restaurants. Whenever you get spare time, go to your nearby park or at the riverside. Speak in romantic tone and pick out some happy memories of the past. It will simply create magic for you. Make scope for her to vent out her emotional stories of her life. Sit closer to her and continue rubbing her body, so that she can feel good. Look for the opportunity to stimulate her physically as well as emotionally if you can do so, you are rest assured of winning half the battle. She is not expected to tell about this incident to anyone; it is because of two separate reasons. Firstly, she would not like to create any gossip amongst her friends and secondly, she would not like to debar her from getting sexual pleasure.

So, be free from hesitation and enjoy the ultimate friendship through making love. Always remember the proverb “marriages are made in heaven” and if it is true, you do not need to bother about the consequences. Go and tell your friend!!! She would definitely reciprocate your feelings. It is quite possible that she is also making her mind for you

Anger and forgiveness seem to be opposites, and in many ways they are. You may be surprised to learn, however, that they have a lot in common. If you make anger the “bad guy,” you just won’t get to the forgiving part. Anger has to be fully understood and released before you get to move on to the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiveness has to be fully understood before you can let go of resentments and be emotionally whole and free.

It all starts with love. We are born with the need to love and be loved, and no one, even the best parents, can meet that need perfectly. Therefore we all feel hurt as a natural part of life. And of course, there are those hurts that are inflicted by abuse, abandonment and neglect, in some cases extreme.

From this pain, fear and anger naturally emerge. It makes perfect sense to be angry when you’re hurt. Anger is an important place to visit, you just don’t want to live there. Here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and resentment so that you can go on with your life. Forgiveness is for you, not for the forgiven. That is essential to understand.

Anger and forgiveness seem opposite, in the sense that anger involves an intense focus on the “wrongdoer,” and forgiveness involves shifting focus off of that person and moving on with your life. Yet there are some ways that anger and forgiveness are the same.

How Anger and Forgiveness Are The Same

Unhealthy anger and premature forgiveness both include:

-Judgment

-The “one-up” position

-Dishonoring to yourself

When you are angry at someone and blaming them, you are definitely judging them and putting yourself in a “one-up” position. The way you are dishonoring yourself here is that you are failing to look at your own creative responsibility in the situation. This is the hazard of the “blame game.” When you are into blaming others for your feelings, situation or plight, you are making yourself a victim and denying your own power and responsibility.

Premature forgiveness is forgiving someone when you’re not through being angry. You are still judging them, and therefore you’re seeing yourself as “one-up.” You are dishonoring yourself by pretending to forgive in your mind, when your heart and gut are still carrying anger and resentment.

Here are some important truths to remember when you’re angry:

-The other person is responsible for his/her actions that triggered your anger. You are not responsible for their behavior.

-You are responsible for your emotional reaction and for your actions that result from your emotional reaction. They are not responsible for your emotional reactions or your behavior that results.

Here are some other ways that anger and forgiveness are the same. When anger is healthy, and forgiveness is authentic, both involve:

-Power

-Release

-Letting go

-No more victim position

-Operating in a container of love

Both healthy anger and true forgiveness involve the power of healthy release and letting go, which takes you out of the victim position. This can only occur in a container of love. Anger can only be healthy when accompanied by some degree of love and wisdom, and forgiveness can only be true when it is based on love for yourself and/or another person.

Understanding Anger

Anger is the most misunderstood emotion. Most people just think it is bad. Here are some common misconceptions:

-Anger is a bad emotion and should always be controlled
-It is possible to be without anger completely
-It is wrong to be angry
-To be angry means to be out of control
-Anger is the same thing as aggression
-When a person is angry that means they are not safe to be around

These misconceptions result from the lack of understanding of healthy anger. Healthy anger is:

-A feeling you have when you’re threatened or opposed
-A protective emotion
-Powerful energy that can be used for positive outcomes
-Fuel for effective action

Have you ever taken action about something that made you angry? Think about MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. They got mad, and took action in healthy, appropriate ways to resolve the problem leading to their pain and anger. Here’s the bottom line on healthy anger:

Healthy anger fuels effective action!

Understanding True Forgiveness

True forgiveness is something that only your body can do. Surprised by that? Here’s the deal. Anger and resentments are held in the body as well as the mind, and your mind can decide to forgive long before your body is ready. Literally, your body has a mind of its own. Here are some things to understand about forgiveness:

-Forgiveness is not just a decision that you can make in your mind
-Forgiveness requires an emotional and physical release to be complete
-Your body is capable of holding onto anger long after your mind thinks it has forgiven
-Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongdoer-you don’t have that kind of power
-Withholding forgiveness does not hold the wrongdoer accountable-everyone is accountable whether you forgive or not
-Forgiving doesn’t mean you have decided that what the wrongdoer did is okay
-You don’t have to wait for the wrongdoer to change for you to forgive
-You won’t be able to forgive until you have fully examined the depth and extent of your wounds
-You won’t be able to forgive until you have acknowledged the full depths of your anger
-Forgiveness is for you
-Forgiveness is good for your health
-Forgiveness allows you to be more loving and joyful

You will know that you have forgiven when your body is relaxed and your breathing is deep and easy-while you visualize the wrongdoer and say, “I accept you for who you are, with all of your best and worst. I no longer need you to change. I forgive you for myself, so that I can be free. I forgive you so that I can let go of resentments and feel love and joy in my heart, mind and body.”

Your body will tell you if the forgiveness is complete.

Keys to Emotional Health and Freedom

-Take responsibility for your actions and emotions
-Do not accept blame for anything
-Place responsibility for others’ actions and emotions on them
-Do not blame anybody for anything

Here are some thoughts to consider about love:

-Love can be intoxicating, and therefore can lead to unhealthy decisions
-The need to love and be loved is the most powerful force in human nature
-Love is who you are in your spiritual essence
-Conditional love is not really love-it is more about control
-The only real love is unconditional love
-You will always remember those people in your life who have loved you unconditionally
-You are at your very best when you are experiencing unconditional love

Life starts with love. Anger is an inevitable emotion, which can temporarily or permanently take us away from love. When we work through our anger, we can forgive. Forgiveness is a return to love. The greatest of these emotions is love.

Statistics show that marriages are ending at an alarming rate and that the length of the average marriage is now under seven years. Why are today’s marriages not working? Why are relationships so stressful, difficult and unsatisfying for so many people? I believe its due to bad match-ups. If you marry someone with whom you are not well suited, the road to happiness is a very hard one.

So what can you do to turn this unhappiness around? The answer is to pay attention when choosing your life partner. love and physical attraction are never enough. A strong relationship needs compatibility and commitment from both partners. Compatibly is more than just having the same interests, likes and dislikes; its wanting the same things out of life and having the same belief systems. Finding a partner whom you love and with whom you are compatible is the prescription for a healthy, lasting relationship.

It is your responsibility not only to yourself but to your future children to choose your life partner with care. Enduring difficult personal relationships can create much unhappiness and chaos and can be traumatic for everyone involved. The end of a marriage (or a long-term relationship) involves grief, and unfortunately children end up the big losers if the damage is passed along to them.

We want to share our lives with someone with whom we can connect on the deepest level and enjoy a true sense of partnership. We all deserve someone who will treasure, love, protect, admire, support and adore us.

The following 19 steps can help you find your soulmate and achieve relationship success:

1. Be good to yourself. By practicing self-love you become a magnet to your soulmate. If you dont love yourself first, how is anyone else going to love you?

2. Confidence is beautiful. To be successful in finding true love, you need to be confident. You are more likely to attract the right love if you are fulfilled.

3. Find happiness in yourself. You cant be completely happy in a relationship until you are happy with yourself and your life. Remember that your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Change starts from the inside out.

4. Nurture your spiritual side. You should be emotionally and spiritually prepared to bring in your soulmate.

5. Know yourself well. Before choosing a lifelong partner, know what your dreams are and what you need to be happy. You are responsible for creating the quality of your life.

6. Stay true to your values. Never compromise your values for anyone. By staying true to your values, you protect yourself from unnecessary pain.

7. Never select a mate out of need. Do not choose a mate out of loneliness, financial insecurity or fear of the future. When you are feeling negative about yourself or your life, you are very likely to make the wrong choice.

8. True love comes to those who wait. Keep in mind that destiny has its own timetable you must be patient. Always keep your eyes on the prize. If you settle for second best, you will miss out on your perfect match. Be patient. Sometimes is seems that you’ll never find your soulmate. There may be lessons you need to learn before you are ready. The faster you do your inner work and become the person you want to attract, the faster you will connect with your beloved.

9. You deserve to be happy. So what if you are not perfect? No human being is. Always assume that you are worthwhile and accept yourself as you are.

10. Ignorance is not bliss. Get to know someone well before you jump into a relationship. The more information you have, the better youll be able to judge whether or not this person will make a good life partner.

11. In order to love well, we must be emotionally mature. Relationships are successful only when both partners are mature enough to see that a good relationship is built on mutual trust and attention to each others wants and needs.

12. Build relationship skills that make marriage work. Educate yourself. There are hundreds of great relationship bookspick one up.

13. Prepare yourself for a committed relationship. If you want to find someone special to love and to be loved back in return, you need to prepare for it.

14. To receive healthy love, you have to be healthy. Your relationship isnt going to go smoothly if youre not well and at peace with yourself. By being healthy in body, mind and spirit, you will attract a high-quality relationship.

15. Breaking up is hard to do. But if you are not happy, respected and fulfilled in your present relationship, it might be time to end it. Free each other so you can find more compatible mates.

16. Never ignore or justify the warning signs of possible problems. These warning signs are there for you to take notice.

17. Become the person you want to attract. Like attracts like. If you wish to attract a loving, respectful and considerate person, then you have to become a loving, respectful and considerate person.

18. Avoid having sex before commitment. The best way to test a relationships potential is to postpone having sex. It becomes harder to be objective about a relationship if you become sexually intimate too soon.

19. Dont feel bad about not having met you soulmate yet. Get excited instead. You have something wonderful to look forward to.

Connecting with you soulmate is not as difficult as many of us believe. The only thing stopping you from being with your meant-to-be love is you. Make the necessary changes in your life and remember that awareness is the first step to change. Accept that where you are right now is the result of choices you have made in the past, and where you will be in the future depends on the choices you make now.

Your fate is in your hands. Only you can make the choices that support your happiness. Once you become aware of what you are doing and why, you can begin to change your behavior.